DAY 150

It has come to an end, the revolution of chaos and order has now concluded its cycle after many days of inner despair and silences, after several decisions that had to be taken related to the past, present and future, after experiences lived thoroughly given the acute sensibility of this moment in life; and all in order to give form and meaning to the existence of oneself and others.

These 150 days have served to reflect upon matters that can lead someone to jump into the chaotic spiral and take life choices which bring such chaos to some kind of order and harmony, those crossroads may be as simple or complicated as following a certain lifestyle, quitting your job, moving places of residence or maintaining an important relationship in your life -with all the consequences those decisions imply. In these experiences there is not right or wrong nor a mentor to judge your actions for you to ease your mind but only an almost unrecognisable –though most needed– instinct that hints you to go through the paths called on by your heart, not that reason is unnecessary for our survival but it is a messy agent when it comes to thriving through life. It is about giving in to the circumstances and acting upon what your conscience and heart dictates.

When you realise that the answer you’ve been looking for so long is right at your nose because somehow you’ve been creating unconsciously the path that leads you to your most inner desires, there may be a combination of anger for investing so much time in despair and regrets; relief that finally things are falling into place; and awe when realising the magnificence of life’s flow and nature; chaos and order. The path to happiness sometimes takes longer because you have to learn the abilities that will bring your self into the present where those choices are made regardless of the thousand options you might see ahead of them but taking into account what you really want for your life at that moment. Happiness is then not the end but the path. And sometimes you just have to trust in future.

Revolutions have motives, objectives of reforming a state of things and this one was not an exception. Its main goal was to find a wound that would give one or a thousand explanations to the heart-breaking point when order and chaos collapsed against each other leaving the beholder of such life in a state of uncertainty, doubt and fear. The wound was found. It is a generational wound: Loneliness. It was first created by us in the fear of being rejected after exposing our real selves in front of others and then in an attempt to connect with and understand others via systems that alienate us not only from others but from ourselves. However, it would be unfair to think that fear of exposure comes from nothing, it is the result of continuous and historical-social periods of judgement. The core of the hazy cloud that prevent us to see our own reality, present and possibilities often follows the same pattern: to remain hidden, and worst, out of our own sight. Loneliness makes itself present within and one often denies it through a curtain of being jolly and welcoming to others, this is a sham. Truth is always there demanding your trust in accepting and loving yourself as well as your actions and to dare receive the same from the outside world. Alleviation of that wound can happen after entering that fuzzy cloud of chaos –that you might call ignorance of the self– to see yourself straight to the eye, accepting potential losses and gains, in order to achieve a real perspective of you and create the reality that you truly want in your life. It is then when you realise that loneliness cannot exist when you embrace yourself for it helps you connect with your own self and then with others’.

The intrinsic normality of our worlds is to fluctuate between order and chaos with its ups and downs. It is exciting to acknowledge that through these adventures you grow in the best possible ways equipping yourself with the necessary skills to live a fulfilling life. When you start the construction of a renewed self there are questions you should ask yourself and find the answers in your own exploration. Things happen the way they are supposed to following the consequences of your actions sometimes with a degree of pain that may propel you to move forward. To embrace these experiences is to accept all the colours of life and the perfection that exists within the nature of order and chaos, thus giving way to the peace and trust of living your own life knowing that cycles will still happen and you will cope with them every time.


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